Navigating Abrupt Parenthood: Surprise, Loss, Reflection and Unconditional Love
A Journey of Ups and Downs
Life frequently leads us down a path full of unexpected twists and turns, often presenting us with unforeseen challenges. It can resemble a complex maze that, at times, feels incredibly difficult to navigate — a journey where you might feel like you’re lost in the woods, armed with nothing more than a toy store compass.
Maneuvering through life’s unexpected challenges can be a daunting task. When we’re confronted with situations we didn’t anticipate, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and uncertain. It’s during these moments that our true strength, resilience, and capacity for growth are put to the test.
Part 1: Nurturing Unexpected Life
Here Comes the Surprise(s)
The day began like any other. The sun bathed our shared home in its warm late September glow, and our future plans were neatly laid out before us. We had been dating for quite some time, and I had every intention of proposing to my girlfriend in the next couple of months, with dreams of a beautiful wedding in the following year. Little did I know that life had a surprise in store for us that would forever alter our course.
On this day, as I went about my routine, my girlfriend’s voice cut through the air, urgently calling my name. Rushing to her side, I was met with a revelation that would change everything: she was holding a pregnancy test.
She then subtly asked, in what felt like a rhetorical question, “That’s positive, right?”.
We stood there, stunned and bewildered, as the news sank in. Our worlds had shifted in an instant, and the path we thought we were on had taken an unexpected turn.
This revelation, however, was not the first time we had faced such a situation. Four years ago, we confronted a similar crossroads. Back then, we had differing views on abortion, but in the aftermath of our decision, we realized that neither of us ever wanted to experience it again.
Whatever your views may be on the issue, I can tell you from my personal experience that both the man and the woman undergo something transformative.
We were fortunate to have taken care of things very early in the process, within 6 weeks, but it left an indelible mark on our hearts. While the woman is the only one to deal with the physical aspects of an abortion, which a man could never comprehend, the emotional toll was something that hit us both. It’s not something very many people talk about, and I can’t quantify the effect it has on me.
I think many today who look at abortions solely from the perspective of bodily autonomy are naive or ignorant. Especially when claiming to support the termination of a viable fetus up until the moment of birth. Well, when you go through the process firsthand and learn what’s involved, to say it was a lesson we would carry with us into the future is an understatement.
Life’s Unpredictable Journey
As we grappled with the reality of impending parenthood, I found myself in another challenging situation — I had been laid off from my job earlier in the year and have been having a tough time finding a new opportunity.
Despite the uncertainty and woes of financial strain, I was on the verge of securing a new job, one that ultimately would be a significantly better situation than my last. It was as if the universe had an uncanny way of testing us, pushing us to our limits.
The circumstances may not have been what we had envisioned, but despite being without a way to provide for my family, the prospect of a new job on the horizon affixed with it a sense of readiness that we hadn’t experienced before. The last time we faced a similar situation, I would say it was more of a youthful lack of preparedness.
My girlfriend and I were still in the early stages of our relationship, having just moved in together for the first time. Although we had discussed the possibility of having children in the future, it was a distant notion that we couldn’t fathom wrapping our heads around.
Revisiting Our Priorities
When we reflected on our journey together and the challenges life had thrown our way, we realized that some things had remained constant. Our love for each other had only deepened over the years, and our desire to build a life together had grown stronger. Parenthood was a part of that shared vision, and it was something we had discussed, even if it seemed like a distant possibility at times.
The reality of an unplanned pregnancy had made us question everything we thought we knew. It was easy to get lost in the whirlwind of emotions and doubts that came with such a life-altering revelation. But amidst the uncertainty, one thing became abundantly clear: the gift of life is not to be taken lightly. It is a precious and profound experience, one that transcends our plans and expectations.
Taking Inventory
This has been a tough year in the job market, and the tech industry, where I work, has been no less trying. I’ve also been one who has battled his own fair share of personal demons.
I have been sober now for 5.5 years, prior to my sobriety, it was no day at the beach. It has been the best thing for me, personally, but I have often felt not so much on edge between sobriety and falling off the wagon through this tumultuous year, just that my threshold for resilience has been tested time after time.
Without sounding like a contemptible narcissist, I have always been fairly successful professionally. Only recently, as I have been doing the right thing, making every attempt to reach for the light instead of darkness, have I faced roadblocks and hurdles out of my control.
Four years ago, as I was just getting on the right track, I was actually let go from a job where I was performing incredibly well. For context, I work in sales where you have a quota that quantifies your performance. At the time I was let go, I had an aggregate 151% to quota performance record. It was only after they found out I was in recovery and did not disclose this to them that they decided to terminate my employment; albeit, at the time I was still early in the process and had just under a year of time (10.5 months) under my belt.
It’s moments like those where you truly say to yourself, “What could have I done differently.” For me, nothing.
Not having a job in relation to my sobriety has always been triggering, less in a way of my sobriety being in jeopardy and more so of an emotional trigger where working has created purpose.
So being without a job, nearly all year in the present, and now having dwindled through much of my savings, not to mention being on the verge of taking that next step forward with my girlfriend, I have been in a delicate place this summer, to say the least.
I have felt that finally things were turning a corner lately, and then the surprise of a lifetime comes to the surface. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier, but you can never really define a surprise of this nature and the way it comes into your life.
A Punch to the Gut
Little did I know, life had more in store for me. A couple of days ago, as I was speaking to my dad who just got back from a vacation with my stepmother, I noticed something was off in his voice on the other end of the phone.
My dad and I are very close as my mother was not around as I was growing up and he played the role of my father and mother.
I had a final round interview for this new job that same day and was excited to speak to him and fill him in on the positive updates. I began telling him that I was close to landing a great new opportunity, and as we all often do, we think of ourselves and tell others what’s going on with us instead of asking about them.
The fact of the matter was that I couldn’t help but sense something was coming up in the conversation that I wasn’t going to like, and instead of getting carried away like I always enjoy doing by chatting through my thoughts with him and getting his feedback to get that reassurance that I’m on the right track, I cut my update short.
I’m thinking to myself that while I hear something different in the tone of his voice as well as the annunciation of his words, I don’t want to ask him something that could also come off as insulting, even with this being my father.
So, yes, he sounds different, but I didn’t want to say anything. I decided to ask the general age-old open-ended question, “How’s everything going with you?” At this point, we’re a few minutes into the conversation when he begins to tell me, “I have some bad news buddy, I had a stroke two days ago.”
I was out walking my dog, it was a perfect day outside, similar to the day my girlfriend found out she was pregnant. I was in a combination of shock and overwhelming sadness creeping in, but it didn’t storm in like a jolt, more like a dark storm cloud moving with the wind.
So, I stupidly said back, “I thought I noticed something different in your voice.”
Not the worst thing to say, but why would I say that? I mean, to be fair, he did sound like he was drunk, and that was my optimistic suspicion throughout the beginning of the conversation. My dad and I have always been honest with each other, so he didn’t think much of it and was actually happy to hear me point that out to him.
It wasn’t before long that I was walking my dog on the sidewalk in a traumatic fog, tearing up as the reality was settling in. It was hard to breathe, and my world felt like it was spinning out of control right before my eyes, and my nervous system was impaired.
Life Isn’t Fair
I’ve been so happy the last couple of weeks thinking about how things are starting to look up, and I could finally be genuinely excited about the baby coming. The reality is that I have been mildly withdrawn over my concerns about not having a job secured and a baby on the way.
I was getting so close to having this job in the bank, and I had just spoken to my dad on the phone four days prior to this conversation.
He was in France with my step-mom visiting Normandy, where the Allied Forces landed on D-Day in the Second World War. My Dad and I are both huge history buffs, and we were talking about some interesting stuff he learned on his trip along with sending me some amazing pictures he took.
You have to understand that my dad has always been my superhero, my best friend, my rock, and my number one supporter. In my darkest moments, he was never fleeting, and during my greatest triumphs, he was always in the stands cheering me on.
When you’ve never had a Mom and don’t really know what that feeling is like, but have a great Dad, he is everything to you.
It didn’t take long in the span of the phone call for tears to be strolling down my face and dripping from my cheeks as I was walking aimlessly around my neighborhood. At one point, I legitimately felt lost despite being two blocks away from my house, and then it occurred to me that my dog still hadn’t gone to the bathroom. He could hear me struggling to stay strong and I was doing everything to hold back from letting him hear my despondency — I did not want him to feel guilty, as that is exactly how he would feel.
It was a ping-pong match between amazing memories flashing before my eyes and the ominous reality cutting me in half. I was a mess, but it was my duty to not let him hear it. He may have not heard it, but he felt it, and it was at that point that we wrapped up the call.
Superman is Wounded
While we deeply love one another as any closely bound father and son do, we don’t often say it aloud when we speak. That was not something I was going to hold back on saying that day, as I was overwhelmed with a desperation of it feeling like it would be the last time we would speak.
I get home and tell my girlfriend, distraught, yet angry at the world. I had so many unanswered questions as we are all aware: fear of the unknown is worse than fear itself. The uncertainty of how bad the stroke was and knowing my Dad would always put on a strong face for me left me swirling through an accelerated version of life’s rollercoasters.
The unfortunate truth is I still don’t, but my worries grew worse knowing my dad is likely protecting me from the truth and keeping it from me out of embarrassment as well. Superman would rather hide in a cave while mending his wounds than show the public how injured he may be.
You can never imagine your superhero being vulnerable, or having any weakness, and my paralysis in acquiring the truth in this circumstance is undermining my sanity. Out of everything I’ve overcome in recent years, this one hit me like a ton of bricks that are new and indescribable.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m scared. I am really scared.
Part 2: Resilience, Love, Life
The first half of the story dove into the unexpected challenges life presents and how they can lead to personal growth and resilience. We touched on my personal experience of navigating an unplanned pregnancy, job loss, and their father’s sudden health scare — highlighting the transformative power of vulnerability and love.
However, when life is throwing everything it has at you, especially when you are in a place where you’re turning the corner and feel like you have endured your fair share of adversity and yet another major obstacle knocks you over the head.
What are you to do?
Then you hit a point where you feel a sensation that is foreign to you — what are you to do when you’re scared? So, what did we do and where do we go from there?
Moving Forward is Your Only Option
How do move forward from what feels like the impossible — an unbearable weight that feels like it is crushing you?
You fall back on your principles, you stay true to your ethos, and you live the values you preach as much as you cling to the 12 Steps when you battle the beast. You go to sleep and wake up the next day putting each foot ahead of the next.
You reflect, you adapt, and you learn. For me, I have had to process much of what I have hoped each morning was a terrible nightmare is the type of thinking that is analogous to everything I hold dear.
Conformity and routine create doubt in a way that suppresses one’s self-confidence, only further stunting the unlikelihood that we fulfill our unbridled curiosity. Remaining tamed and risk-averse because of social conventions is self-perpetuated fear: defeat at the hands of obscurity. This breeds regret instead of igniting perpetual growth expanded by our life experiences and lasting memories.
Humans always remain curious about what lies ahead, but all too often we are stunted by the trepidation of our impending discomfort.
Comfort is overrated: maturity I’ve come to learn has everything to do with the acceptance of not knowing.
Embracing the Journey
I, we, embraced the journey ahead, knowing that life has its own timeline, separate from our meticulously crafted plans.
For me, I am always striving to make my father proud, it is something I am profoundly aware of, whether it is prudent or not, it is what it is.
He was so genuinely happy to hear about his impending grandchild on the way and I have been feeling like his health may overshadow the spotlight of joy that he had just a few days ago. Things weren’t supposed to be occurring this way. Then my girlfriend, my rock, and my everything helped me to profoundly realize, that the baby wasn’t supposed to be happening this way either.
We acknowledged that this pregnancy had arrived in a way and with a set of circumstances we hadn’t anticipated, and it wasn’t following the proper sequence we had envisioned. But we also recognize that some things are beyond our control, and the most beautiful moments in life often come when we least expect them.
In our hearts, we had always held a place for parenthood, and that place had grown with each passing day. While the circumstances weren’t ideal, we were ready to welcome this new chapter with open arms and open hearts. We understood that being parents meant facing challenges, making sacrifices, and experiencing a love unlike any other.
One Step at a Time
Life’s twists and turns have a way of revealing our true priorities. Parenthood, which once seemed distant and uncertain, had become a reality we were eager to embrace. We had learned that love and readiness transcended circumstances and that the journey of parenthood was one we were willing to embark upon, no matter how unexpected the path.
In the inevitable rollercoaster of life, surprises can often lead to the most beautiful moments. We had come to realize that nothing else mattered more than the gift of life itself — a gift that we were now ready to receive with joy, gratitude, and unwavering love.
As we navigate these uncharted waters, we are reminded of the importance of resilience and the power of the human spirit. It’s in the face of unexpected challenges that we discover our inner strength, our capacity to adapt, and our ability to embrace the uncertainties of life.
Parenthood, with all its unpredictability, is a testament to the resilience of the human heart.
Our journey, though marked by surprise and uncertainty, is also filled with hope, love, and the unwavering commitment to building a beautiful future for our growing family. It’s a journey that has shown us the depths of our own vulnerability and humanity, and in doing so, it has strengthened our bond and our determination to face whatever comes our way.
A Lesson in Unconditional Love
Throughout this emotional rollercoaster, one truth has become abundantly clear: love knows no bounds. It transcends circumstances, challenges, and the unexpected twists and turns of life. It’s a force that binds us together, offering support, comfort, and the reassurance that we are not alone.
Parenthood, in all its complexity, is a profound testament to the power of love. It’s an unconditional love that grows with each passing day, a love that fuels our determination to provide a safe and nurturing environment for our child. It’s a love that reminds us of the beauty in life’s surprises, even when they catch us off guard.
As we navigate this unexpected journey into parenthood, we’ve discovered the strength that lies in vulnerability. It’s okay to be scared, to face uncertainty, and to feel overwhelmed at times. These emotions are part of what makes us human. Embracing vulnerability doesn’t make us weak; it makes us resilient, compassionate, and empathetic.
Comfort is Overrated
Life has a way of challenging us in unexpected ways, pushing us to adapt and grow. It’s a testament to our inner strength that we’ve found the courage to confront the uncertainties that have come our way.
The surprise pregnancy, the job loss, and the health scare with my father have all tested our limits, but they’ve also highlighted our capacity to persevere and endure. In the midst of these challenges, we’ve learned the importance of leaning on each other and seeking support from our loved ones. It’s in these moments of vulnerability that we’ve discovered the true strength of our support network.
Friends and family have rallied around us, offering their love, guidance, and encouragement. They’ve become pillars of support, reminding us that we don’t have to face life’s trials alone.
The uncertainty of not having a job for a significant part of the year has also taught me that identity and purpose can be flexible. The sense of self-worth that often comes from our professional achievements can be redefined.
While the job market has been tough, it has allowed me to explore new avenues, cultivate my skills, and adapt to unexpected circumstances. This journey has reinforced the idea that life is not just about what we do for a living; it’s also about who we are and how we show up for our loved ones.
The emotional challenges of the past year have been profound, but they’ve also deepened our capacity for empathy and compassion. It’s easy to focus on our own struggles, but it’s in understanding the pain and difficulties others face that we truly connect as human beings.
My father’s health scare, in particular, has underscored the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing our loved ones. It’s a reminder to express our love and appreciation while we can.
The Power of Resilience
Resilience is often tested in the face of adversity, and our journey has been a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
While the path to parenthood was unexpected, we’ve chosen to embrace it wholeheartedly. We’ve recognized that life’s surprises can be a source of transformation and growth.
As we prepare to welcome our child into the world, we know that our love will be the foundation upon which our family is built. It’s a love that will see us through the sleepless nights, the challenges of parenthood, and the uncertainties that lie ahead. Parenthood, like life itself, is a journey, and we’re ready to embark on it with all the strength, resilience, and vulnerability it demands.
In the midst of life’s surprises and challenges, we’ve also found moments of beauty and joy. The ultrasound images that reveal the tiny heartbeat of our unborn child are a reminder that life is a precious gift. The anticipation of holding our baby for the first time fills us with a sense of wonder and excitement.
These are the moments that make all the trials and tribulations worthwhile.
A Family United in Love
Our journey into parenthood, marked by the unexpected, has brought us closer together. It has reinforced our commitment to each other and our shared vision for the future. We’ve learned that love is a force that can weather any storm, and it’s the most powerful source of strength and resilience.
In the face of uncertainty, we’ve chosen hope. Hope for a bright future, hope for the health and well-being of our child, and hope for the recovery of my father. We’ve come to understand that hope is not a passive concept but an active force that propels us forward, even when the path ahead is unclear.
As we reflect on our journey, we’re reminded that life’s unpredictability is part of what makes it beautiful. We can’t control every twist and turn, but we can control how we respond to them. We can choose to face life’s surprises with open hearts and the belief that love will guide us through.
Our story, a blend of joy and uncertainty, showcases the resilience and perseverance of the human spirit. It illustrates the power of vulnerability and the strength that comes from embracing life’s surprises.
Parenthood, for us, is not just about bringing a child into the world; it’s about building a family founded on love, resilience, and unwavering commitment.
Life IS a Box of Chocolates
Sharing this journey of surprise, reflection, and unwavering love was a way for me to reaffirm the importance of embracing life’s surprises with an open heart.
The unexpected can be challenging, but it can also be a source of profound transformation and growth. It’s in our vulnerabilities that we discover our true strength, and it’s in our capacity for love and resilience that we find the courage to navigate uncharted territory.
As we prepare to welcome our child into the world, we do so with hearts filled with love and hope. We’re ready to face the uncertainties and challenges that lie ahead, knowing that our family is united in a bond that can withstand any test. Parenthood, as we’ve come to understand, is a journey that’s as much about the surprises as it is about the unwavering love that guides us through them.
As you navigate your own journey through life’s unexpected twists and turns, remember that vulnerability is a sign of your humanity, and love is the source of your strength.
Embrace the surprises, hold onto hope, and cherish the beauty that can emerge from life’s most unexpected moments. In the end, it’s these experiences that define us and shape the legacy we leave behind.
Originally published at https://resevere.medium.com.